Policy - Health-AND-Education: Integrated Nodes for Lifelong Service

Politicians frequently use the phrase ‘Health and Education’ in election campaigns. They do this because of the conventional wisdom that says these two issues are important to voters and feel that they will win votes simply by uttering this convenient three-word phrase. But is there any connection between these two issues? Me First! thinks there is. That is why Me First! has a unique Health and Education policy. This policy proposes the establishment of Integrated Nodes for Lifelong Services that will commonly be known as ‘hospischools’ or ‘schoolspitals’.

In these nodes the functions of education and health will be united within the same community campus. Such nodes will attend to the development and preservation of both body and mind. The new United Churches will be permitted to establish independent non-government nodes that will provide for those of us who want to attend to the alleged spirit as well as body and mind.

The average node will incorporate into it all health and education needs for a given community across all generations. Everything from paediatrics to palliative care and everything from kindergarten to ‘university of the third age’ classes will be provided for within a node. Consider some of the many efficient connections between health and education that will be facilitated by such integrated nodes:

- A child falls from the monkey bars cracking his fragile skull. He can be taken quickly to the emergency ward a short walk away.

- Another child in the yard is refusing to observe ‘Sunsmart’ practices during the summer months. She can be taken to visit an old codger in a hospital ward who is having melanomas removed from his bald top.

- Yet another child – this time a teenager – accidentally got herself pregnant behind the shelter sheds a few weeks back. On discovering this her teacher can quickly and quietly escort her over to the fertility control clinic for an abortion.

- A jaded teacher of Year 9s has had pretty much all he can take from the shits. But help is at hand as he is a short walk away form a doctor who will be happy to euthanase him.

- A mature-aged student with a ‘chip on his shoulder’ is talking far too much in a university tute so the tutor sends for an anaesthetist to sedate the pesky fellow.

The establishment of integrated nodes can make use of existing health and education facilities – redeveloping some while closing and selling off others for housing purposes. It is anticipated that such sales will in turn be sufficient to fund the redevelopment of old schools and hospitals into new integrated nodes. The result of all this will be the development of a smarter and fitter community with better levels of inter-generational understanding.

Policy - A new Capital for a New Federation

Me First! thinks Canberra is a rotten location for a capital city. What were we as a nation thinking? It is cold and isolated. Its territory (the Australian Capital Territory) is entirely surrounded by another state rather than located at the border of states. It is too close to Sydney and too far from Melbourne. It is an artificial city dominated by bureaucrats. It lacks a natural body of water (something every decent city needs) and so has the artificial Lake Burley Griffin. And to get to it you have to detour off the Hume Highway. It sucks and Me First! have a radical plan to change all that...

Albury-Wodonga For Australian Capital!

Me First! will transfer all the functions of our capital city to the existing twin city of Albury-Wodonga located on the Murray River at the border of our two most populous states of New South Wales and Victoria. The city limits will become a new federal territory. Our capital will then have its own natural waterway and be on a major roadway. It will have a large and diverse population base and its own industry rather than merely the 'industry' of government. Government decisions will be less likely to preference Sydney over Melbourne. Politicians will find it more difficult to get isolated and 'out of touch' with the Australian public. An existing community with its own rich history will infect the greyness of political life with colour and movement. And the two names of this twin city will tell international visitors of both the settler and indigenous origins of the Australian nation.

A new parliament house will be constructed over the mighty Murray and will be designed by world-class architects to be reminiscent of a classic Murray River steamboat. The 'wheel' will act as a ride similar to the Eye in London (albeit smaller as there will be less to see in Albury-Wodonga). Staff at Parliament will wear uniforms based on those of riverboat crew. Other implications of the new site will arise such as replacing the practice of 'sin binning' MPs with that of 'dunking in the drink'... From the newer 'New Parliament' here our elected representatives will both literally and figuratively "steer the course of national affairs".

ACT for National 'Primeval' Park

Once all the population of Canberra has moved to Albury-Wodonga, the entire Australian Capital Territory (ACT) will become a national park of world significance. All existing infrastructure will be left to succumb to natural forces of decay and regrowth (which will be filmed by automated cameras for timelapse playback over the coming decades). Access to the park will be severely restricted to the following:

- Park Officers & Security Staff: These will be stationed in the skanky township of Yass in the hope of improving the feel of that location.

- Movie Crews: On successful application to the Federal Government, movie crews wishing to produce post-apocalyptic action movies in a realistic (rather than computer graphics) setting will film on location in the crumbling ruins of Canberra.

- Exiles: Those who fundamentally object to our way of life (e.g. religious fanatics, political extremists, tax evaders) will be given the option of living in one of two 'Zones of Voluntary Exile' of which the ACT will be one (the other will be the Australian Antarctic Territories). Security Staff will let them into the park with only the clothes they are wearing and what they can carry in one pack.