Policy - Smother Terror With Decadence

Me First! feel that to face an enemy we must understand that enemy. An accurate analysis of terrorists will suggest more effective methods of combating them. And what has passed as analysis of terrorism over the past decade is pretty pathetic. Here are some misconceptions regarding the origins of terrorism:

- Terrorists are the product of impoverishment: The problem with this is that many of the terrorists are themselves rather affluent. Yes they come from nations in which abject poverty exists but rarely do they themselves wish to address that issue. Indeed class and status are an accepted aspect of the terrorist ethos. Also - if one is seeking to use violence as a way of overcoming ones poverty then one becomes a pirate rather than a terrorist and captures booty rather than killing for nothing but glory. As if to prove this assertion we find that the most prominent of modern-day pirates come from the poorest continent - Africa - while terrorist movements usually come from the southern expanses of Eurasia.

- Terrorists are the product of a religious 'clash of civilizations': Well this is better in that it recognizes religion as a factor but it distorts the picture grossly. What is proposed is a rivalry between the Islamic and Christian nations of the world. But as has been observed the supposed 'War On Terror' is an 'asymmetrical' one. This phrase usually refers to the fact that the terrorists operate in cells as part of transnational networks while those opposing them operate as the military forces of defined nation-states. But another key difference is that one side (the terrorists) are religious fundamentalists while the other side are merely secular governments that have some religious fundamentalists as constituents. This is a big difference.

Ultimately what the terrorists oppose is the permissive society that grows as a result of the lack-of-control one finds in secular states. This is what they target in detonating bombs - wild debauched libertine cultures in which adults have to decide for themselves what sin is and how much of it they want to engage in thank-you-very-much. It is with this in mind that Me First! suggests that the best defense for sinners is sin. Tempted? Then read on...

Decadence Corps

To combat terrorists you have to find them. So far the preferred method of locating terror suspects has been with 'profiling' which focuses on what someone looks like. The problem with this is that terror is a meme rather than a gene. They can look like almost anything. It is what they think and feel that matters and that can be difficult to detect. Nothing works better however than a visceral response to something. Something that revolts us provokes a response quicker than our cultivated behaviour can hide it.

Even the most well-disguised terrorist will betray his feelings of disgust if propositioned by a six foot tall cross-dresser. It is with this in mind that Me First! propose the formation of Decadence Corps to operate alongside more conventional security forces.

Members of the Decadence Corps will sashay and shimmy into suspected terrorist havens. They will sport all manner of markers of deviance - stiletto heels, fishnet stockings, hot-pants, PVC skirts, mesh tops, corsets, garish hair extensions. They will also travel in small units because some aspects of decadence can only be demonstrated by collaborative action. The responses of observers will be recorded by an array of spying devices incorporated into all that kinky and trashy couture.

Anyone who responds violently to this presence will discover that every member of the Decadence Corps is a superbly trained and equipped combatant. Me First! cannot go into specifics as that information is classified but any fan of comic-book movie adaptations will have a sense of what we are visualizing here.

We also need to state for the record that all Decadence Corps operatives will be 'fit' to use a British colloquialism. Very very fit. The terror suspects will both revile and lust after those who will bring them to justice. This policy was a lot of fun to conceptualize let me tell you!

One side-effect of this strategy is that it may inadvertently identify home-grown prudes as terrorists. But - hey - prudes advocate a life of austerity and self-sacrifice so spending time in prison while awaiting trial will be like a holiday for them.

If Me First! never manage to get this policy implemented we will then sell the rights to the Decadence Corps concept to the adult products industry - you too could role-play "terrorist and tramp" in the comfort of your own bedroom.

Media Release - Slobby & Green

Many mistakenly think that Me First! as libertarians would be 'climate skeptics'. Our response to this is that there is a big difference between skepticism and blinkered pig-ignorance.

The biggest culprit in human-induced climate change is industry but the trend in popular political debate is to focus on the domestic impact of the average citizen. Me First! would like to shift the focus of debate but are just too small and pissy to do that. But we can try and get our unique line into the existing debate. With that in mind we asked a question of the Me Thinks think tank. That question was:

What existing popular way-of-life within Australian society is best placed to minimize environmental impacts?

The answer Me Thinks has provided is reproduced here.

The suburban or garden-variety slob is the Australian whose unconscious actions produce the smallest environmental impact (as distinct from those who consciously act to minimize environmental impact). Consider the following day-to-day behaviours of slobs:

- Slobs wear their clothes till they are falling apart.

- Slobs only clean and tidy in a sparing and cautious manner and so use less grooming products, cleaning products, water and electricity as compared to non-slobs.

- Slobs may own cars but many of those cars are left sitting (bereft of petrol or even registration) in front yards slowly returning to nature. This is even better than having never owed one as they are depriving a non-slob of a car they would otherwise be driving.

- Slobs resist travel and entertainment. They would rather sit at home in front of the telly or the game machine than go for a night on the town and indulge in all the many kinds of consumption that ensue.

- Slobs utilize 'community kitchens' thus contributing to an economy-of-scale which minimizes trasport and energy costs. Compare ten non-slob households with ten slob households. The ten non-slob households have all gone and purchased food from the shops and likely using cars. They have all utilized water and energy across ten kitchens in preparing home cooked meals. As much as they "buy in bulk" they still dispose of a lot of packaging. Contrast this with the bahaviour of those ten slob households. They all slouch on down to the local fast food franchise which can truly bulk-buy and has taken care of all the transport and food preparation in one kitchen. The only draw-back of this way-of-life currently is the use of packaging for every fast food meal (rather than reusing crockery) but this can change with the development of edible fast food packaging.

It would be prudent for governments to provide incentives for more Australians to convert to slobbiness for the sake of the environment. Slobbiness is much more attractive than self-sufficiency and many Australians already practice it in numbers. Addressing the prejudice currently directed at slobs would be an important part of such a process.

Me First! has accepted this recommendation of Me Thinks and will be developing the Slobby & Green campaign for the next Federal Election. We will start by creating a number of amusing and endearing cartoon characters reminiscent of the Life Be In It family but with more diverse and inclusive backgrounds to demonstrate that slobbiness can be for everyone.

Me First! would also welcome campaigning help from slobs but accept that most of them will be just too bloody lazy to bother.