Transcript - Preference Negotiation Meeting


During every election in Australia there is fuss made over the preference negotiations of the various political parties. Me First! initially felt it was a private matter and wanted to tell everyone to bugger off and do something useful like collect stamps. However after the nth call for transparency and accountability on preference negotiations we decided to give the punters what they wanted.

Truth be told we only got to meet with one preference negotiator. None of the more significant contenders wanted to bother with us. But to our surprise we discovered that the one fellow that would talk to us somehow represented a number of micro-parties of the religious fanatic ilk. Talk about buying in bulk! But we had to go in with something to offer them and were well-prepared to do just that. Here is a transcript of the conversation that ensued…

Mr First: In return for your preferences we will offer you both our preferences and something that you cannot possibly refuse!

Mr Whisperer: And what, pray tell, is that?

At that we passed over to Mr Whisperer a paper with the following text.

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If elected we will work to ensure that Australia is a society in which all your members and supporters can…

* Choose to go to full-term if they accidentally get pregnant.

* Choose to live as long as they possibly can under palliative care.

* Choose to only engage in heterosexual sex within the confines of a traditional marriage.

* Choose to give religious instruction to their own children by sending them to Sunday school at a local church.

* Choose to change the channel if something offensive like Harry Potter (which celebrates occult magical practices) comes on television.

* Choose to convince others that all this is right and never be thrown to the lions for annoying street-corner evangelism.

In short we will work towards everything you as a persecuted minority could reasonably want in an open society.

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Mr Whisperer read our offer and then blinked. We may have blinked too but were wearing sunglasses so nobody could tell. Mr Whisperer then went on:

Mr Whisperer: I think you will find that we already have all those things and more.

Mr First: Oh. Okay. Well then why are yall making such an effort to get into politics and push all these new laws?

Mr Whisperer: Because we want to force everyone to live the life we have chosen to live.

Mr First: Right. Well. Um. That’s a pretty shitty way to be.

Mr Whisperer: Only God decides what is shitty and only we can interpret for God.

Mr First: So you want to live in a society surrounded by others who are only pretending to be like you?

Mr Whisperer: You could say that. You could say we want them to fake it till they make it or go to Hell trying.

There was only one way to respond to this and so we ended the conversation with…

Mr First: I have seen the Light!

Your Me First! party did a preference swap with the religious fanatics but then we forgot to stand any candidates in the election so nobody can blame us for what happens next.