Policy - Votes For Things!

A while back Me First! presented our Votes For Children policy but who are we kidding? We will never win the coveted family vote. Those Mums and Dads in voter land are all too busy swinging between the major parties to ever notice us. We need a new demographic and a new gimmick to get them in. While looking at the current batch of Senate candidates we noticed that a number of micro-parties use the same libertarian rhetoric we do. But rather than simply seeking to attract ideological purists it seems they have tapped into a demographic and even a way-of-life. Well we can do that too!

We have just now devised a policy in all of a few minutes. Such swiftness works for other micro-parties (and indeed for some Opposition Leaders) so prepare yourselves for the Votes For Things policy! Ta-da!

Me First! will extend the right to vote to a class of inanimate objects. And just like our Votes For Children policy these votes will have to be exercized by the owners of the inanimate objects. Instant electoral bribery for our new target demographic! Here are the criteria for eligibility.

All objects granted votes must:

- Be owned by the person nominating them who are themselves on the electoral roll
- Be licensed to same person
- Be well-taken care of by same person
- Have been anthropomorphized by same person (including having been given a personal name)
- Have mechanical moving parts

Once this policy is implemented we expect guns, four-wheel drives, jet-skis and other objects central to the culture of the Australian 'great outdoors' to be added in droves to the electoral roll. All those grateful objects (as represented by their owners) will then vote for Me First! and we will work for the rights of all those things in Parliament!

So can your best manufactured buddy get to vote? Well that depends.

"Can Cedric The Cellphone vote?" says owner, uni student Jamie. Sorry Jamie but in Australia nobody needs a licence to own and operate a mobile phone. Besides Cedric has a touch screen and solid-state processing so lacks the mechanical moving parts.

"Can Lucille here get the vote?" says blues legend B B King. Sorry B B but while electric guitars do have mechanical moving parts they lack the need for a licence. Besides you are a foreigner.

"Can Gruntfugger my 4x4 sporty ute vote?" says outdoor recreation enthusiast Pete. Fuck yes Pete. Gruntfugger can definitely vote. Congratulations. You now just have to decide how to cast your two votes.

Critics may well ask us what will happen next if we give these important objects the vote. Will we next be extending the franchise to plants or animals or anonymous clusters of human cells? Me First! has a pragmatic response to that which is to say that other parties exist to represent such interests. We will stick to enfranchising poor neglected objects like Gruntfugger.