Media Release - Marriage Debate

What? We have to have a marriage policy now? Sheesh! There was a time in which you only needed a handful of policy stances - stuff like defence and commerce. Now we are expected to have a written statement of opinion on every bloody thing. So - fine - like our competitors we must have a marriage policy but to start with we will test the waters with this media statement intended to provoke incredulity from the vocal and opinionated. Here we go now...

Me First! think that a lot of the debate over what marriage is and who gets to undertake it is overlooking the bulk of human history. On one side of the fence there are those who say it is necessarily to do with procreation and we find this has always been an over-simplification. On the other side of the divide is the notion that love is all that matters but do we truly want policy to be dictated by the Beatles and the Supremes? Come on!

If governments have to have anything to do with marriage then can we make them relate it to things that they do understand and have experience in? Things like defence and commerce? Yes! Now we are cooking! Marriage is all to do with securing and keeping power and riches. That is all there is to it. Marriages of convenience. Marriages connecting the poorer to the richer and (vice-versa) the less esteemed to the more esteemed.

"I have a title but you have a factory - what say we get together and have both?"

Everyone is happy this way as everyone gets something they want. Me First! will promote this historically accurate practice of marriage by replacing marriage celebrants with marriage brokers. The purpose of a marriage broker will be to ensure that all parties entering into a marriage contract are likely to be advanced by the arrangement in some fashion. This will be the one and only test of a successful marriage. Consider the following case study:

Cindy is a skilled maker of precision thingamyjigs. Kon is good with finances and administration. Together they are like so many married couples - one delivers the desired product while the other takes care of the paperwork and since marrying and working together they have become better off than had they been separate. However something is still missing. They lack a secure and growing customer base.

Then they meet Sanjit who is an expert at sales and advertising. Both Cindy and Kon also find Sanjit to be very attractive and once they discover this over a drunken game of Pictionary they decide to expand the company from two to three. Right now the law prevents this enterprise from taking on an openly intimate character but we have to face facts - the best negotiations are done in bed.

Cindy and Kon want to marry Sanjit to the benefit of them all but right now they cannot. Imagine all the extra profit they could be making. Imagine the boost to the economy of such arrangements nation-wide. If only we let partnerships be partnerships!

There is a slogan right there! Let partnerships be partnerships! What works well in commerce can also work in - well - commerce of another kind. Me First! welcome feedback on this public statement. And if you are keen on us then we can work on a policy that will allow you to marry into the party. You know you want to babe!