Media Release - Feet First!

Today Me First! announced the formation of a new representative group associated with the party that will advocate for the needs and aspirations of that most marginalized of persons - the long-suffering Australian pedestrian. This new activist and lobbying group will be called Feet First! and its slogan will be "We were here first so put our Feet First!"

In seeking a constituency Me First! have identified pedestrians as an under-represented demographic that we can hopefully take advantage of help. Humans were walking for hundreds of generations before the invention of the wheel. And yet everyone but pedestrians get represented by non-government organizations. Such is the power of wheel privilege! In Victoria for instance motorists have the RACV while public transport users have the PTUA and cyclists have Bicycle Victoria. Me First! will address this lack with its promotion of Feet First!.

Feet First! will lobby governments to promote pro-pedestrian policy demands. However novel forms of direct action will also be employed. Consider for instance a sequence of four zebra crossings around a cross-road in a shopping area - Feet First! activists will gather in sufficient numbers to form a walking loop that covers all four crossings and constantly moves in a clockwise direction thus preventing any non-pedestrian movement through the intersection till such time as the local government meets our demands.

Some of the Feet First! demands will include...

- Ensuring that all streets have a footpath on at least one side of the street even in new "but I only drive my car" estates.

- Having pedestrian crossings added to all points were surveys prove pedestrians regularly cross in numbers (even if this is a few meters away from an existing crossing).

- Converting all pedestrian crossings into zebra crossings thereby ensuring pedestrian right of way.

- Putting pedestrian crossings at particularly busy roads under or over the road (yes that is a concession to wheel-users - see how reasonable we can be).

- Dividing all footpaths on major walkways into fast and slow lanes. All users of prams, pushers, shopping trollies, and couples holding hands and walking side-by-side will have to use the slow lane.

- The Jetsons promised us a future of moving walkways and we want them! All busy footpaths along shopping streets will have travelators installed as the pedestrian slow lane.

- Introducing a new Pedestrian Discount Card which allows all registered pedestrians to access discounts of walking-related products such as joggers, casual street wear, back-packs, sun-screen, sunglasses, hats, umbrellas, refreshing drinks and personal music-playing devices.

With this attractive set of demands Feet First! are sure to grow quickly and make a huge impact on the forward march for pedestrian rights. If some of the demands of the group seem a bit much then Me First! can always remind commentators that the party and the group are distinct units that work together and that Me First! is limited by political reality from implementing all the demands of its constituents (while still getting votes from them). We are putting our best foot forward for pragmatic politics.